It’s astounding
–Time Warp, Rocky Horror Picture Show
Time is fleeting
Madness takes its toll
But listen closely
Not for very much longer
I’ve got to keep control
Time is fleeting indeed. It’s already 15 October. One has to ask how that actually happened.
At the same time, I‘m not keeping control; I have no control at all. That has been surrendered, completely and willingly. But not for very much longer? That is indeed the question.
I had an interesting realization earlier this week. On Tuesday, to be specific. 10 October. In taking note of the date, I realized, “Well, that’s a big round number.” At the same time, I also came to appreciate that it was the first time this month that I in any way really paid attention to what the date actually is.
Loctkober is tied to the month of October. It is expressly about the passage of time. Surrendering to be locked and controlled for 31 days.
The interesting thing for me is that I haven’t really been looking at it that way. I haven’t been tracking the days—in either direction.There is no daily accumulation, no growing number of days without cumming or touching. At the same time, I don’t have a running countdown until the end of the month. I am not eagerly anticipating the day when I can theoretically have my next orgasm.
Instead, I just am. I am present, obedient and committed to the idea that I submit and serve. That I adhere to my rules. That these rules still require me to sleep, plugged and possessed. That I should suck cock and practice deep throating every morning. That I should—and always will—worship and devotedly serve my Goddess.
What Locktober means most to me is that 1 October was a milestone where my rules changed. After 31 October, my rules may change again. That may happen, and yet it may not. It isn’t my call.
What I most realized is that throughout the month of October, nothing particularly changes for me. I am a submissive and obedient bear who at all times follows and adheres to the rules that I have been set. It is that simple.
This is not an expectation that is bound by a month on the calendar. It isn’t shaped or eroded by the passage of time. It is the entire and enduring truth of my reality. I serve, She leads, I am obedient to Her and I follow my rules. The one thing I know for certainty is that after 31 October, I will still have rules and I will still obey them.
What has been different for the month of October is the rules themselves. They are about endurance and willpower and true obedience. After 15 months of daily ablutions and devoted service where I was required to orgasm daily (because orgasm control means what it says on the tin), not touching sometimes takes conscious effort and thought and occasionally a ferocious act of will.
With the passage of time, the ache and throb grows, as does the enduring reminder of being a kept and obedient bear. Rather than that being a source of pain and annoyance, however, it is a delicious place of reminder. That I squirm and writhe and ache and want is a reinforcement of just how devoted to Her that I am. It is confirmation of how much I am Her sexual toy and plaything, and how much my sexual pleasure is hardwired into serving Her.
The ache may build over time. I rather suspect it will. The devotion and service and obedience will always be there.