Locktober is explicitly about the passage of time. It is committing to be locked up and denied for a period of 31 days. After that comes the theoretical prospect of reward and release. What happens when you realize you aren’t seeing it that way?
Today is the 1 October. For many of a kinky persuasion, it is the start of Locktober. 31 days locked away in chastity, expressly denied orgasm. This year, my Goddess has decided that we will participate. Just not quite in the way that you might think.
It’s hard to believe that this is a journey that began six months ago. Reflection is a core part of my daily practice. As we find ourselves on the cusp of a new year, I find myself taking a broader view of where I am, what I have learned and what remains unexplored. I am on the journey of a lifetime with a partner that I adore. For all the progress that we have made, it feels like we are just getting started. That’s an exciting proposition.
At the outset, my Goddess requested that she control my orgasms. It was the first requirement in our relationship, and it has been the most enduring. To many, that would be interpreted as, “Oh, you’re in chastity, and you don’t get to come.” The reality couldn’t be more different. I submit, I am subject to her control, and I respond to her expectations. But control means what it says on the tin: I’m expected to do what she wants. Period. Full stop. With corresponding climax, when required.
Submission is presumed to involve service, and certainly it does. In the context of submitting to my Goddess, I strive to be attentive to her needs and responsive to her expectations. I try to anticipate and provide support in whatever way might be helpful or simply welcomed. That’s good as far as it goes, but it by no means defines the extent of our relationship. There are many more wonderful layers at work, and coming to understand those has been incredibly valuable.
Ego is a dangerous thing. Getting it out of the way has been essential to me discovering my path to submission, and what—for me—submission really means. While that definition might be mine, it has so very little to do with me, and so much to do with the person I serve.
