Locktober is explicitly about the passage of time. It is committing to be locked up and denied for a period of 31 days. After that comes the theoretical prospect of reward and release. What happens when you realize you aren’t seeing it that way?
There is a notion that engaging in sexual denial means being devoid of sensation. Being robbed of stimulus. Nothing could be further from the truth. Denial involves the removal of one very specific sensation. You might take away the climactic experience of orgasm, but you are increasing the volume on a variety of other sensations and experiences.
Today is the 1 October. For many of a kinky persuasion, it is the start of Locktober. 31 days locked away in chastity, expressly denied orgasm. This year, my Goddess has decided that we will participate. Just not quite in the way that you might think.
At this point, it should surprise no one that I like butt plugs. They are a daily reality for me (and sometimes more). Wearing a butt plug every night has been a rule since I started serving my Goddess. The circumstances and duration of that reality has grown since. There are times that I wear a very large plug 24/7. There are other times when a plug is a delightfully ad hoc expectation. In all instances, my Goddess requiring me to be plugged is a source of delight and awesome wonder that I aspire to continue.
Here’s a thought exercise: What if you could go back and do it all again? What if you could revisit your youth, but with the knowledge and confidence that you have now. Would you do it? And if you did, what would be different? A submission as part of January Jumpstart 2023.
It’s hard to believe that this is a journey that began six months ago. Reflection is a core part of my daily practice. As we find ourselves on the cusp of a new year, I find myself taking a broader view of where I am, what I have learned and what remains unexplored. I am on the journey of a lifetime with a partner that I adore. For all the progress that we have made, it feels like we are just getting started. That’s an exciting proposition.
At the outset, my Goddess requested that she control my orgasms. It was the first requirement in our relationship, and it has been the most enduring. To many, that would be interpreted as, “Oh, you’re in chastity, and you don’t get to come.” The reality couldn’t be more different. I submit, I am subject to her control, and I respond to her expectations. But control means what it says on the tin: I’m expected to do what she wants. Period. Full stop. With corresponding climax, when required.
Submission is presumed to involve service, and certainly it does. In the context of submitting to my Goddess, I strive to be attentive to her needs and responsive to her expectations. I try to anticipate and provide support in whatever way might be helpful or simply welcomed. That’s good as far as it goes, but it by no means defines the extent of our relationship. There are many more wonderful layers at work, and coming to understand those has been incredibly valuable.
So, it’s Ace week. Time to embrace that asexual in your life (just ask them really nicely if they want some body hugs first, ‘kay?) And while I’m not asexual, I have discovered that I’m asexual-adjacent. More to the point, I’m demisexual. Which is a lovely word with a fascinating meaning, that has had a complicating influence on my sex life.
Submission has complexity to it. It can also be very simple. My submission as it exists today is framed by four essential rules. They are the boundaries in which my daily experience is drawn. Within that simple structure there is a great deal of breadth and nuance. I’m learning exactly how much.
