The Complexities of Worshipping a Goddess
Submission is complex. And yet it can be very simple.
My entire orientation in submission is fixed towards serving my partner, my Goddess. It is a focal point of my waking conscious day. It also inhabits a great deal of my nights, in remarkably delicious and wonderful ways.
That’s not to say that I am her 24/7 devoted slave, constantly at her beck and call. That may be fuel for many masturbatory fantasies, but it just isn’t practical reality (a sentiment made wonderful in this very-on-point tweet thread by @MissAlexxxia):
There are days that I’m 24/7 obsessed about her, but that’s a very different proposition
Submission As An Expectation
What frames much of my submission on a day-to-day basis is a set of very simple principles that I’m expected to adhere to. They are clear. They are easily understood. They are conceptually not hard to follow. They are the anchors to my day, that many of my actions—and much of my submission—then hinges upon.
These principles can be framed of—and are thought of—as rules. That’s not to say that they represent a long list of expected actions and services. It’s not like my first waking act is peeling exactly 42 grapes for my Goddess, or some other such absurdity. They are simple rules that define the expectations my Goddess has of me, and how I should govern myself each day. They are designed—and there is thought and intent behind each one—to guide and prompt my submission on a daily basis.
One Rule To Ground Me
The very first rule started extremely early in our journey to becoming Us, when we were initially exploring whether or not there was in fact and Us to become. It happened two days in, to be precise. It emerged from a more general discussion of our relationship, expressing the wonder that we had found each other, that we had opened to the possibility when we did.
It was phrased as a request, clearly framed and concisely stated:
“I would like to express a want. I would like to control your orgasms.”
A blanket expectation, one that would guide me from this point forward. “Masturbation, 100% permission required. No touching, no humping or rubbing or stimulation beyond what’s necessary to pee or wash.”
This was a foundation, a core of service. It was a delightful request to receive, and a significant one. Chastity, orgasm denial—these were things I had fantasized about. Now I was being asked to make that real, to willingly surrender control of when and whether and how I would come.
It was a gift I made willingly and enthusiastically, and one that has guided us since.
Another Rule To Fill Me
While surrendering my orgasms is arguably the foundational rule underlying my submission, it is not my only one. It was also not the only one negotiated that night.
I hadn’t fully appreciated this until starting to write this article. My essential rules were established early on, but my sense had been that they evolved over a few days. The ones that define my current core were framed within hours.
In addition to orgasms, I sought to surrender one further aspect of my sexuality to my Goddess. I have always had an anal fixation, and had taken to sleeping with a butt plug on many nights. Recognizing the intensity of feeling that being plugged instils, but wanting my Goddess to make the choice of doing so, this became the basis of a want of my own: “I would like you to control when, whether and if.”
This quickly became an expectation that I simply would sleep plugged from that point on. “Granted. I’d like you to wear it to bed as you have been. We will play daytime by ear.”
An Important Rule To Guide Me
For anyone thinking this is all just fodder for masturbation, it is not. It is control for her, and surrendering of it for me, in a way that is profound and meaningful. The question—and the test—is just what that meaning represents.
Exploration of meaning is the foundation of the third rule that guides my submission. At the time these rules emerged, orgasm control was about denial. Not touching, not fondling, not coming. The start of my days would now have a different focus. “I’d like you to use that time to contemplate submission, what you want from it, what it means to you, how you feel it evolved for you. Think of it as a morning meditation.”
My third rule is possibly my most important, and has certainly been most profound. I start every day with my Goddess at the forefront. She is present in my thoughts and the centre of my attention. Every day, as I wake up, I am afforded the opportunity to meaningfully reflect on what that means, and how I relate to my submission, and our love and the relationship that grounds it.
It has led to significant introspection for me, and an incredible amount of personal growth. It has also fuelled many significant conversations between us, as I share my insights and we explore their implications and my Goddess offers guidance or direction.
A Final Rule To Delight Her
Delighting my partner is the essential point of my service and submission. To give her pleasure and delight, to surprise her, to care for her and to instil feelings of love and adoration and ecstasy. This is the fundamental principle that guides my service. It also echos the final rule that shapes my days.
It is a rule that we fell into by accident. It was not an expressed want or even a consciously considered desire. It started the night before when, as we were saying goodnight, my partner made a request for the morning: “Leave me something sweet to wake up to?”
It was a single request, asked and acted upon, to bring her a smile and a sensation of love and warmth and being considered. It became a habit. I would daily, upon concluding my reflection, write a message for her to wake up to and cherish. It has since evolved into an expectation.
Some days, these messages share particular aspects of my reflections. Sometimes I relate how I am feeling. I might reveal my dreams, my thoughts of her or my aspirations for us. I may leave her a fantasy to be excited by, a story for titillation or a vignette of hoped-for future interactions. Some are short, others longer. Every day, without fail, she wakes to my words. It is our first point of connecting as Us, each day.
Simple Rules & Complex Reality
Those are, at the time of writing, the rules that structure my days, and how I experience my submission within them. My Goddess controls my orgasms always. I am plugged every night. I reflect upon my submission and our relationship every morning. I share a morning message with her for when she awakes.
Within that essential simplicity, there is deep complexity. My experiences, the sensations I feel, the thoughts that I share are shaped by where I am—physically, mentally, emotionally—in any given day. It is not simply going through the motions. There is colour and shape and depth and texture to my day, grounded in adherence to a few simple rules.
Most importantly, there is adherence. The commitments I have made are not taken lightly, and I have adhered to them faithfully. I could make other choices and take matters into my own hand. I do not. I will not. That would completely undermine our dynamic and make meaningless the relationship we aspire to.
Submission can be found in simple rules, that weave together into enormous complexity of living and experiencing. My rules will evolve over time. New expectations will emerge. Those principles will further shape how I submit and how we experience each other. What rules emerge, I will always obey.